‘The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence’. This statement describes the perception that others have it better than you, whether they do or not.
Who knows that ‘grass is greener’ feeling? Hands up. My hand is in the air. It can resemble a longing, a fantasy, a frustration, a disgruntlement, an escape, a solution, a fix. I’m sure that this wee statement, seemingly innocuous, has a lot to answer for when it comes to failed relationships, errors in judgements, harmful turns on the path of wellbeing, job quitting, location moves and so on.
Of course, it can be argued that there are no mistakes; that all is exactly as it is meant to be, and that the ‘grass is greener’ action and thinking is a helpful tool that brought about inner understanding or needed change.
I do subscribe to this notion of ‘no mistakes’, but I also celebrate the freedom from thoughts, actions and perceptions that limit us, and I can see in my own life how ‘the grass as greener’ has had a limiting effect, and how it is essentially a red flag that signals ‘something is not right in my current state of being’.
Remember, I’m not talking about aspiration, goal setting, moving from one situation to another because you know it’s the right call. I’m talking about fear. Yes, there it is again. Because let’s be clear ‘the grass is greener’ is driven by fear.
I’m talking about fear here as the ingrained feelings, thoughts and associated beliefs, perceptions and actions derived from past experience of damage and pain – whether that be your pain and damage or that passed on to you by others through the sponge-like soaking up that our subconscious does in developmental stages of childhood. And when we consider past-life experience, experiences of energy that need to be released also journey with us into current life.
As Elisabeth Kubler-Ross points out in ‘On Death and Dying’, all feelings can be reduced to one of two states: love or fear. So fear is any of the associated feelings, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, actions that include anxiety, guilt, envy, anger, hate and so on.
And ‘the grass is greener’ isn’t driven by love. You’ll know what it’s driven by… go to its root.
So this morning, I had a choose whether to be in love or in fear. Did I allow those pesky wee jibes my inner doubter had to say about my relationship, vibing on untruths, which fed into my dear heart-fear, cause me to flee or do I nip them in the bud immediately and stay with love?
It’s a choice you see. I get to make the decision to be in one state or the other because I cannot be in both love and fear at the same time. Not in any given moment.
What about you? What do you choose? Love or fear?
I’m choosing love.
And I’m choosing love over and over and over and over again. And I have to say that just because I’m choosing love, doesn’t mean the fear suddenly disappears. Sadly not straight away. As soon as I choose love, the fear ramps up its efforts. The fear shouts louder. It stamps its feet ‘I’m here, I’m here… you know me! You can trust what I’m telling you. I’m here for you!’
It’s clever, is fear. It’s cunning. It has lifetimes of material to choose from to fill out the images and stories that go with the feelings that are fear. And in moments of vulnerability, when life serves us up a curve ball, the energy associated with past vulnerability will be reactivated. The patterning of fear will be reinitiated.
Mindfulness practice helps us come back to the present when fear will take us off on a not-so-merry goose-chase of emotion, thoughts and associated feelings.
When we choose love, and its associated feelings of peace, joy, self-kindness, compassion, trust, we are better equipped to understand and release fear. Please know that I want us to feel the fear. That is important. The fear tells us an important story that needs healing. It is by way of fear and then moving into love that we change our energy patterns, heal and raise our vibration.
Let not the fear drive the grass is greener in you. Let love heal and liberate you.
Repeat over and over and over and over and over again, feelings, thoughts, actions of love. Because like any habit we can change our fear habits, whether they be a move towards ‘grass is greener’ or something else. And we can decide to live from a state of love.
Be brave lil doves. Decide with me, and let us choose love.