Three words that changed my life, and could change yours...
When I first sat in the quiet and connected with the voice of Spirit, I was asked: ‘Are you willing?’
I didn’t know what I was answering then, only that the answer was already bubbling up inside me:
‘I am’, I replied.
From that moment, my life changed. It was already a life of movement: momentum along a trajectory, though I knew not the destination.
My mum used to say, ‘Karolyne, most people climb the rungs of a ladder, but you, you jump from ladder to ladder’.
She worried for me. What I couldn’t explain then, because I didn’t know, was that I was moving towards my alignment. It wasn’t so much that each ladder took me further along my path - for the journey is not about distance – each ladder brought me closer to my Self and to Source. Each ladder helped me resonate more clarity.
Hot and Cold
In retrospect, I see that the journey I took was a bit like the child’s game of Hot and Cold. From ladder to ladder, I hopped after a time from job, relationship, location, religion, seeking a hidden, bidding something. And while I could not name that something, I did know when I got closer or if I strayed further from it. This, I could feel within me. The further away, the ‘colder’ I got, the more wrong my context felt. The closer I became, the more ‘right’ I felt.
Leap of Faith
Within 18 months of Spirit asking me ‘Are you willing?’, I made the greatest jump of ladders thus far in my life…
…. And found myself homeless, without an income, living on the kindness of acquaintances, residing in a new country on the other side of the world.
In my forties, I dared to take the step, leaving a secure, permanent job, my friends, family, the lands of my childhood in Australia to migrate to Britain. The way towards this was a smooth transition, as if the winds had caught my sails. I was swept along gentle, inviting waters, and had every reason to believe they would remain calm and steady.
If only you could see my rueful smile. I came to these lands upon the sails and dynamism of faith in Spirit’s wave, and a sense of calling, but I was in flux. My intentions and desires were changing and while they shifted and morphed within, so too my outer world responded to the resistance of old beliefs activated out of their comfortable slumber.
Those inner programs that had been running in the background began digging their heels in. Suddenly, I met with an inner discord between what I wanted for myself and how I felt about myself.
As my vision brought me to Edinburgh, all the while I was yearning to live self-employed in a capacity of healing and teaching with Spirit. At the same time, that wee one inside me was screaming ‘Nooooo, it’s not safe’. All those beliefs about particular ambitions being ‘unrealistic’ and ‘naïve’ set off the ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘unworthy’, ‘it’s fantasy’ narratives, and they battled as I took action towards my highest potential.
How did this discord manifest? Well, most obvious was financial distress, unemployment, a sense of desperation and vulnerability. The more I held intentions to live a free, fulfilled existence in these new lands, the greater old beliefs and fear pushed in, whispering ‘Are you sure? Wouldn’t it be easier if you just returned to the comfort of what you knew?’.
The pain of this time was largely generated by that discord and the inbetweenness as I lived in a struggle of emerging ways and old patterns of being.
Old Ways and New Ways
A classic example was my continued efforts to secure employment despite wanting to be self-employed. I knew that I must leave behind the trauma counselling of my former profession for my spiritual development work, but I continued to apply for jobs in that area because that is what I knew.
After sending out many applications, I finally got an interview. A prestigious university in Edinburgh wanted a counsellor to join their therapy team. My interview was successful and I landed a fulltime job in a comfortable position that offered excellent financial possibilities. Fascinatingly, the fact escaped me that this position mirrored the one I chose to leave in Australia.
However, my changing vibration ensured that at the last minute, I didn’t get that job, though I admit, it wasn’t because my trust was so great that I refused the position. Rather, my leaking intentions and newer resonance took care of matters.
You Believe in What?!
I had started to post online teachings from Spirit as part of my enthusiasm for this new ladder I had jumped upon. One of the staff members of the university department had Googled me, read those postings and informed management. Consequently, a week before I was due to begin my new post, I was informed that the position was withdrawn. When I asked why, the lead interviewer asked me about Heru’s Light.
At first I was caught unawares, unable to connect the two – why was she mentioning my spiritual work? The observer in me watched a calm come over me as I voiced my beliefs, separating them out from my profession. All the while, I felt proud and disappointed – glad I could stand in the truth of my spiritual declarations; sad because I argued for a position I knew not to resonate with the principles of my beliefs.
That psychologist and I ended up having quite a lovely chat. By the end of our talk, she suggested she might come and see me privately but maintained she had to uphold the panel’s decision to withdraw my offer of employment. Well, of course now I can see that for the gift it was, while still disbelieving that such a decision could be made.
You’d think that after that experience, I would have realised my inner shift would no longer give space to old ways on the outer. Still, it took another two job interview rejections for me to conclude that I had to go it alone; that my desire to be self-employed was now so strong it had become what I was attracting.
Adjusting to a New Ladder
I won’t lie and tell you that this time of flux, of adjustment to my new ladder, was easy. It really wasn’t. My meagre life savings lasted the length of a sneeze. Thinking that I’d jump into regular employment quickly, I hadn’t planned to budget when I first arrived!
There were times when I walked miles and miles from one job interview after another, back to my flat just to save the bus fare because I knew I’d need it for food. The debt that I accrued in that time was greater than I’d ever known. I lived on trade, bartering healing and inspiration for household products and other necessities, and the debt rose and rose as I struggled to pay rent. Time after time, I’d ask myself ‘what was I thinking, moving here’. So many tears. Such a sense of helplessness and vulnerability that very early on was taken advantage of, and yes, there were times I was tempted to give up and return to Australia.
'We Will Not Let You Fall'
In all of this, I have to say, Spirit never let me down. Never. They said they would not let me fall, and they haven’t. Always, a sign would come: a word, a direction, a message and glimmer of hope.
I remember the words one wise soul said to me upon her visit to Edinburgh. Living her life successfully bringing Spirit’s words to people in many countries, I was inspired to ask her: ‘How do you take that step into the world with Spirit’. Her response was ‘Imagine what it would be like if you did not take it…’
What if You don't Live Your Truth?
Well, we’ve all seen those movies where the protagonist is drugged or lost in another dimension and the longer they stay in that space or plane, the more real it becomes… The ultimate risk is that they completely forget where they had come from, what their purpose was, why they were even on the journey in the first place. So we the viewer sit watching, willing, hoping, urging them to remember, to WAKE UP! Oh, and we cheer and celebrate when they do, because the illusion they were under was suffocating for us to watch, even in the audience. Because we KNEW they were trapped in an illusion and the truth of their being awaited them if only they could remember and break free.
That was what it was like to feel this woman’s words. To imagine what it would be like not to live my truth… it would be suffocating, heart-breaking.
So I kept listening – to myself and to Spirit. I practiced and became better at saying ‘No’, and when to say ‘Yes’, learning with each step, what was true and right for me. And at every turn there were people who gave me support. Amidst hardship and despair would come a kind word from a stranger, a welcome hug from someone recently met, friendships made, a community opened to me and love met.
Warmer and Warmer
Gradually, with each move towards ‘warmer’ and away from ‘colder’ in the Hot/Cold game of this new life, the pattern of the universe around and within me began to change. As the universe danced in accordance with my new vibration, those old threads within me began to unknot themselves and weave into new pathways, so that here I am now, almost four years later, climbing the rungs of a ladder that feels just right.
Today, I live passionately and joyfully in healing and teaching with people, and with a close, immense connection with Spirit. My own healing journey has been mighty challenging, and rewarding, and I’ve not shirked from it but embraced it, and had the great fortune to have been upheld along the way. Still, there are ways I have to go in aligning with all that is my highest potential, and I welcome the becoming of that vibration.
My Journey, Your Journey
All of this is my journey of ladders, but here is what I really wanted to share – here is the point I want to make:
I am not extraordinary – in the sense of my journey.
There is nothing different or special about me. The ability to align with our inner truths, our highest potential and live a rich, fulfilled life is available to us all. Every one of you reading this has the capacity to align with the vibration of your fullest self – to BE in joy, love and freedom.
Everything you need is within
Everything you need for that is already within you.
No teacher, no course, no certificate, no guru or master or guide or healer is going to align you or bring you to your highest self – you are already there – you just have to KNOW it and to feel it.
And you don’t have to go anywhere. The journey is not about distance travelled, it’s about closeness to divine connection with Self and BEING that connection in your life.
But what does that mean? For me, it means to be in relationship with people and environment, to the best of my ability, in a way that contributes to the betterment of people’s lives.
How to Realise Your Alignment
How might your alignment come to be? Here are some of the ways I’ve found helpful in my journey towards self-fulfilment that you might find useful include. And I'm aware that there are many, many paths up the mountain, and what is alignment for one will be different for another. This is what has helped me. Some of it may resonate for you:
- Practicing awareness raising – through meditation, mindfulness, simply noticing everyday existence
- Increasing your body awareness – this helps you to feel, and feeling sensations tell stories that can help you to discern what is helpful and what is detrimental to your wellbeing
- Becoming aware of the ‘Hot and Cold’ – What does it feel like to be in this context, with this person, in this relationship, job, environment, house, group etc? Moving closer or further away accordingly.
- Finding support for healing old wounds, fears, doubts and beliefs that keep you stuck
- Setting intentions that benefit your wellbeing
- Changing habits by inviting new routines into your life – knowing that if we keep doing the same thing over and over, we might expect the same results. Shake it up according to your intentions and see what new comes
- Welcoming healthy, helpful friendships and networks – no person is an island – we live and develop in relationship to others and our environment
- Investing in your change- again – gravitating towards those situations, directions, people and relationships that nurture and uplift you.
Believe in Your Self
Above all else, believe in yourself. If you’re seeking now, then you’ve already resonated with your calling. It’s just a matter now of Hot and Cold gravitation towards alignment with that Divine Source within.
So, now it’s my turn to ask….