Seven years ago, I found my way to God. My heart opened, and my life changed.
At the age of 39, I had been meditating already for 13 years, and for a year longer, I had been aware of the universal life force, and the chi or energy within all living matter. Still, in all this time, whenever I meditated on rotating the energy around my auric field, outside my body, and internally, always there was a numb spot around my heart. It was like a blank field there. No sensation. The energy warmed and tingled, vibrated and flowed beautifully from top to toe, around and through, but when it came to my heart centre, nothing. It would stimulate my spine, up through the matter of my brain to my crown centre, down my third eye at the forehead, to my throat, where the texture of feeing changed (and that is another story), only to 'disappear' before resurfacing, so to speak, when it came to my solar plexus.
Well, as you can imagine, this was quite troubling for me. What had happened? Why wasn't I able to feel the energy of my heart centre? Now this was not a new experience for me. When I first came to know the internal chi and the feel of energy in 1994, I quickly learnt that my heart centre was closed to the sensations and experience of the life force. Such was my concern that in 1998, I sought out the assistance of a Guru on my travels to the Indian town of McLeod Ganj, in the highlands of Dharamsala where His Holiness the Dalai Lama has residence. Alas, it would be another 11 years before I was aligned to change and heal my heart centre.
Why is this important, you might ask?
The energy centres of our body are the portals of our health. While there are many more than is generally referred to, the most commonly known, are the seven: Root Chakra - at the base of the spine; Sacral Chakra - at the pelvis area below the naval; Solar Plexus - below the chest and between the rib cage; Heart Chakra - middle of chest; Throat Chakra - at the neck; Third-Eye Chakra - middle of forehead, and Crown Chakra - just above the top of your head. Each energy centre absorbs, emits and regulates the energetic make up of your physical body and wellbeing, in a multi-way stream of input-output and regulation. We also have an energy body that extends from our physical body, and these energy centres flow through the front and back of us into this energy field. When we are unwell or depleted, so too our energy centres and energy field appear out of alignment, dull in colour or otherwise affected. Similarly, when we are filled with vitality and wellness, our chakras and light body is alight with this radiance. This helps determine how and who we are in the world.
My heart centre was telling me a story. During the course of my life, it had cause to dampen itself, to protect itself. It had numbed itself so as not to feel. How that made itself known in my life is a whole other story - too long for here. Needless to say, God did not figure into my life at that point. In fact, I couldn't even say the word. Certainly, I felt a divine connection with what I called the Universe, and a sense that I was 'on a path', but I had nothing really backing that up. Faith in the mystery of the Universe, but no Faith as such.
So what changed?
It came in August 2009 when I was living in Melbourne, Australia. I had been meditating on the Qabalistic centre, Tiphareth, that is the Heart Chakra. The Archangel Raphael, angel of healing, is associated with that sphere of consciousness. In the morning of Tuesday 18th of August, I sat for my daily meditation and visualised the heart centre. I imagined a beautiful sphere of light and Raphael showing me the way into that light. Visualising myself walking into that sphere, I saw a scene unfold before me: rows of small children, from an African nation, all lying on make-shift beds. It was a scene from the past that felt about World War I or II era. The children were tended to by a Caucasian nurse. She was in full white gown and habit that had a red cross on it. I felt her sympathy, her care and determination – her quiet, soothing ministrations. Then I saw her alone, seated against a wall, crying and despairing. She reached, quite naturally, for her rosary beads and cross, and began fingering them, unaware. I saw her body life and light fill her and emanate from her. I felt her ease and her faith and her peace from that gesture. I then floated above that scene and felt the Heart Centre as a whole for a moment. It was like feeling movement. In parts, I felt heaviness but overall there was lightness of movement - a pulsing progression that I took to be healing.
Well that night I dreamt of a young boy. He was kneeling, and I knew him to be the Angel, Raphael. Raphael held out his hand for me to see, and floating above his palm were what at first looked like seven coloured jelly beans. I then recognised them as small coloured lights (and I know now they represented my energy centres). Raphael then spoke to me in my mind, without speaking out loud,
'This is the key' he said.
I looked at him and asked: 'The key to what?'
He smiled and said 'The key to integration. These represent or show you what is missing – that which has not been integrated – that which keeps you from being whole.’
At that point I saw my grandmother in hospital as I had seen her in Adelaide, another city in Australia, a couple of weeks earlier. I saw myself ministering to her, talking, soothing, rubbing her heals with cream, and I felt a nurturing, unconditional love. I realised it would be the type of love a mother has for her child. And I could feel it then. I felt such love.
And upon feeling that love my chest burst open.
In that moment, I looked down to where my chest was, and at the point of Tiphareth, my Heart Centre, there was a cavity opened up and from it burst this incredibly intense white light. It was brilliant light, and with it, I experienced the most incredible Love I have ever felt. That Love was Truth. I knew it emanated from the Divine Being, the Holy Spirit - from... God.
God. And then I was awake, and my entire body was aflame with energy. I did not know if i was uplifted from the bed, floating or elevated, but I felt as if I was and I could not feel my body.
And all the while, as strange as it might sound, the boy Raphael, hovered before me. And then, he just looked at me and smiled. And in that moment I knew what I must do...
I realised that I had to take all of that Love and all of that Light, and bring it into myself.
And that is what I did.
I visualised the Light, and that Love, and I consciously brought it into my heart, into that cavity.
And there, before me, Raphael was smiling. Nodding, I clearly heard in my mind, his unspoken words: 'Yes'. 'Yes'.
Sleep must have taken me then, and when morning came, I looked around my room. My memory of the night's events were still me, and though nothing in the room had altered - still, everything had changed.
Everything had changed
I knew God.
I knew God. And I was healed.
I know God. And I am healed.
I saw all my past experiences as stepping stones that brought me to this point; as lessons in themselves. I saw my past relationships, jobs, hurts, loves, everything, as bringing me to now. It was as if a veil had been lifted, a clarity formed, and a certainty embedded.
I knew for the first time then, as I know now, that we are born into our life to find our way home to God.
It may be God, it may be Jesus, it may be Allah, it may be Spirit or Krishna, Buddha and Enlightenment, it may be Universe - Whatever it is for you, that Love and connection I have described is within you. It is key to your healing and self-actualisation, and it can be accessed, felt and experienced by everyone.
There are countless paths to truly opening to your heart centre and to that Divine Love - one way that worked for me is through meditation.
May your own heart journey be sublime and freeing, and deeply, richly connecting.